The Analyst

I married an analyst. And I mean that in several senses of the word. For one, RP actually analyzes (real estate investments) for a living (or did before he got that sweet, sweet promo). And secondly, he also analyzes… well, everything else in life.

Remember that whole kids-and-marshmallows study where they gave children one marshmallow and promised that if they didn’t eat it they’d get TWO marshmallows later? Well, RP would be the one who kept his marshmallow (and not just because he actually doesn’t care for them). In fact, he’d probably spend subsequent hours composing a list of the pros and cons associated with eating said marshmallow.

On the other hand, I would have eaten the marshmallow (and knocked out several other children in order to eat their marshmallows). When it comes to decision-making, I tend to have a trigger-finger. That’s why I scoop up month-old clothing to consign, spend all my money on new and fleeting hobbies, and rarely make it past 11:30 am before eating my lunch.

This is a concept I must remember when RP asks me for “advice,” which is a coy way of saying, “let me use you as a way to think out loud.” Let me share some examples.

The Alaskan Bed and Breakfast

RP: “Since I’ve planned everything else, why don’t you book a B&B for our last night in Seward?” --10 Minutes Later--
KP: “Done. It’s downtown and looks really pretty.”
RP: “Oh. I was thinking maybe we’d get one with a hot tub and sauna.”
KP: “Well, I already paid for it. Not many have those.”
--30 Minutes Later--
RP: “I found one with a hot tub and sauna just out of town. Can you cancel that reservation?”
KP: “I can try.”
RP: “Okay, cool. I’ll book this one.”

Friday Night Dinner

RP: “So what time does the movie start?”
KP: “In 15 minutes.”
RP: “Ok, but I’m starving. Let’s get something quick.”
KP: “Ok, there’s a Greek place right there? Or Wahoo’s? Or that natural café?”
RP: “The problem is that it starts so soon.”
KP: “Right. So let’s grab something fast and be 10 minutes late – they’ll still be showing previews.”
RP: “Hmmm. Okay. Let look at the menu at the natural café.” “Oh, it looks like it’ll take a while. Maybe we should just do Wahoo’s?”
KP: “Awesome. Let’s go.”
RP: “Oh, but they can take a while too… and there may be a line.”
KP: “Okay, how about this pizza place?”
RP: “Well Wahoo’s probably has more for you to eat.”
KP: “I don’t care, but if we keep discussing it we won’t have ANY time.”
RP: “How much more time do we have?”
KP: “10 minutes.”
RP: “That’s not enough.”
KP: “Okay, so we eat after?”
RP: “I’m really hungry.”
KP: “Honey, I don’t know what you want me to do.”
RP: “Okay, let’s go to Wahoo’s.”

The Rabbit

RP: “I just like the black rabbit in San Diego.”
KP: “I know; we should probably just adopt her.”
RP: “But she has a cataract.”
KP: “Yep, she does.”
RP: “Those can grow and she could go blind.”
KP: “Yeah, that’s true. We could look for a different bunny?”
RP: “She was the best we found.”
KP: “So let’s adopt her.”
RP: “It’s just that we’re taking a chance with her eye.”
KP: “Okay maybe we can have a vet look at her?”
RP: “A cataract’s a cataract. They can’t do anything about it.”
KP: “We could look until we find another good bunny. No one’s forcing us to bring a rabbit into our home.”
RP: “But she’ll get adopted and be gone.”
KP: “Then let’s adopt her.”
RP: “But she has a cataract….”

Do you see why my life is complicated? And (wait for it)…. We’re currently trying to buy a house.
Someone save me.